Cheap Credit & Chocolate on Tick

Nova Jerusalem beckons my son

In recent years Recife has firmly planted itself on the rock n’ roll map. All the big super-groups visit. Simply Red, A-ha and Seal have all moved the denizens of  Boa Viagem to tears in recent months, not to mention the near riots when the Cranberries rolled into town. Cutting edge as these acts are, there is only one show on in town for the next two weeks. And that’s Jesus. He’s back in town by popular demand for another two week run.

In what can only be described as a Lesson in the Evils of When Access to Cheap Credit and Oval-Shaped Chocolate Collaborate, supermarkets are offering 200g Easter eggs on higher purchase. Twelve easy interest free repayments later, you’ve paid for your egg. And with Easter falling earlier next year, followers of the Lord will be making double repayments on their eggs come April 2012. Have the lessons of Ireland’s property bubble (putting all you eggs in one basket) not been learned? Recife’s Easter egg bubble is a disaster waiting to happen. But you can’t argue with what He would have wanted, not when there is a higher power at work.

JC in a combi, heading to work

Obviously Brazil is a  very very holy country altogether. A glance at the names of big cities and states give testament to this proud heritage – Saint Paul, Holy Spirit, Christmas and Bethlehem of Pará (so named so as not to be confused with Bethlehem in Palestine). And then there is Nova Jerusalem, home to the world’s biggest walled religious theatre that specializes in crucifixions. It has been providing Pernambucanos with their annual crucifixion fix since 1968. Tickets prices are weighted according to the importance of the day. Spy Wednesday will set you back R$50, Holy Thursday and extra tenner and Good Friday, the veritable money shot, a princely R$80. Holy Saturday takes a step back with a R$60 entry fee. Curiously though, there is no resurrection show on the Sunday, which is somewhat disappointing.

Banksy woz ere

Perhaps the Globo soap stars that play the main actors must be back in Rio for filming their brain melting soap operas on the Monday. Maybe the organizers are teasing the audience with the possibility of a sequel. Though a more likely explanation is fear of angering the man upstairs, readers of his debut novel will know he was wont to fly off the handle willy-nilly. TV is bombarded with ads for the show. They start with a synopsis of the events of Good Friday and then pan to the sponsors which include a paint company, a bank, women in bikinis advertising a revolutionary hair product and some biscuit companies. Halleluiah!**

Luckily however, if you can’t make it, one of Friday’s shows (they do three a day) is broadcast live on national TV.  This could be due to the city itself being really small. With an expected 10,000 for each show, all the inns will be full. This means it’s boom time for bus companies. The city is around 200km from Recife. This can be treacherous as apparently they allow traffic going in different directions on the same road outside of the city. The traffic clowns don’t tell you about that, the bastards. One student of mine is particularly worried about this, as he’ll be bussing it. But with a coach load of rosary-beaded devotees, accidents shouldn’t be a problem. And if the coach has an obligatory massive JESUS sticker on the front then all bases are covered.

Just like you can tell the wealth of a city by the plumpness of its pigeons, you can measure the soul of the city by its graffiti. Recife is riddled with religious iconography. Every second vehicle has a reference to the Jesus while any wall can be subjected to a Banksy style attack - though without the style. You regularly receive sermons on the bus and taxi drivers see no incongruity with having two bibles (one for the passenger to dip in and out of on the journey) and a Playboy sticker on the back of their cars.

Drogheda has soul

Being of holy bent is also a prerequisite for a successful business. Many of the water providers proclaim that their water is Agua de Deus while illegal satellite providers usually have some reference to getting a better reception due to their service being 100% Jesus. Indeed, some language schools pencil in a Holy Supper event into their calendar where the teachers perform the Last Supper for the parents and students. Being cast as Judas is a sure sign that your number is up at the end of the semester. They like their drama do the Brazilians. None more so than the be trodden supporters of my local team Santa Cruz – Holy Cross – who have been praying for some divine inspiration for years. And with the culmination of the Pernambuco Championship over the next couple of weeks, perhaps the team could do worse than to set up camp at Nova Jerusalem. If they don’t win it after that, I’ll be starting a petition to change their name.

* Book your tickets here.   

** TV ad for the big tele-spectacular!

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